Forget New Year's

Have a Burns Night!

Christmas: a pagan holiday romanticized by the Victorians and now co-opted by commercialism. New Years: football, football, and forced jollity at midnight. Ever wish for a holiday that hasn't been taken over by the greeting card industry? The canny Scots have realized that humanity needs one more winter celebration to sustain us until spring, and have set aside a night to party big time in honor of ... an eighteenth century poet. The occasion is Burns Night, the observance of Scots poet Robert Burns' birthday.

Burns Night has its own traditional menu, program and beverage: scotch. All About Beer is proud to embrace this cousin in the barley family of beverages and offers you guidance to this poetic and scotch-centered evening. Out of deference to the Scots, who never need to qualify the origin of their national distilled barley drink, it will here be called, simply, whiskey.

Every Jan. 25, Scots around the world gather in groups to honor Robert Burns. Whether in large formal gatherings or a party of two, it's an occasion to melt away the ice, snow and sleet with whiskey and good cheer. Best of all, it's the one day of the year when everyone can be Scottish. You don't need to have Scots blood in your lineage: it is acceptable merely to have been there. Better yet, you can join in if you've only heard of Scotland, and since you're about to do just that, plan on joining the festivities.

Sentiment, wit and good times

Life in the northern British Isles has pitted the Scots against a harsh landscape and invaders from both north and south. Material frugality and a stern Calvinist moralism grew out of this uncertain setting, but so did a love of life in the moment, as was the case with Robert Burns.

Born in 1759 at Alloway, Aryshire in southwest Scotland, Burns was the eldest of seven children. As was the custom, he took to working his father's farm near Auld Brig o'Doon (old bridge of Doon), and his rural upbringing is never far from the poems and songs that later made him famous.

Standing five foot nine, he had curly black hair tied in back, and a taste for whiskey and the ladies. In fact, his first poem, "My Handsome Nell," written at age 14, was the beginning of scores he would compose to those who caught his eye.

The most famous of his works may be the nostalgic "Auld Lang Syne." But others feature Burns the storyteller: in "Tam o'Shanter," a drink-loving hero barely escapes a covey of witches and warlocks by fleeing over Auld Brig o'Doon (folk tales clearly state that spirits and devils can't cross running water). Burns was also a staunch nationalist and believer in the brotherhood of man, as shown in the stirring "A Man's a Man for a' That." Burns endeared himself to his countrymen with this mix of sentiment, wit and national pride.

Bobby lived life hard and fast, and some say it was whiskey aggravating rheumatic fever that drove him to an early grave. He died at the young age of 37, and more than 10,000 turned out to pay their last respects at his funeral in Dumfries.

Soon after his death, the Tarbolton Bachelor Club, a men's club he helped found, began celebrating his birthday with dinner and drinking, punctuated by toasts and readings of Burns' poetry. Soon Robert Burns could be found everywhere, and the tradition of dinner, poetry and drinking was a highlight of the year.

The essentials

To host a Burns Night party requires a few essentials, among them a disposition toward a good time, a book of Burns' poetry, and a bottle of good whiskey (we recommend single malt). The rest can be as elaborate as you like.

Begin your festivities with a glass of whiskey. It may be appropriate to try one of those light and airy malts from the lowlands of Burns' home. Try the perfumey Cardhu, from the Lower Spey, or the slightly peaty Oban from the west. Then, if dinner is to be served, tradition calls. The true celebrant will be looking forward to that uniquely Scottish dish, the haggis.

This centerpiece of the meal should be presented to the company with the skirl of bagpipes (live, of course), the scene presided over by an honor guard bearing long Lochaber axes. Burns so loved haggis that he penned an enthusiastic address, "To a Haggis," which should be read over the delicacy:

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the pudding-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
As lang's my arm.

Mid-recitation, reach down past your kilt to draw a dirk (dagger) from your knee sock and stab the noble haggis. The first piece is presented to the most honored guest, along with a dram of whiskey in a two-handled cup called a quaich. You may elect to offset the richness of the haggis with a whiskey of more complexity, and AABM recommends the peaty and spicy flavors of Glen Morangie or the more full, sherried and aggressive character of The Macallan.

If you've never before encountered a haggis, a warning may be in order. The dish is made from chopped sheep's heart, liver, and lungs, generously mixed with oatmeal, onions, suet, and spices, all stuffed in a sheep's stomach casing. Think of it as a Scottish sausage the size of a small football; in fact, a mild, coarse-textured sausage may be the best available substitute for American celebrants.

But if all that seems a bit much, you can abandon the haggis and serve only the traditional side dish of neeps and tatties. That's a simple farmer's dish of mashed potatoes and turnips. In this case, opt for a whiskey only slightly "bigger" than those of the lowlands, such as the popular Glen Fiddich.

After the meal, offer a grace from Burns:

We thank Thee for these mercies, Lord.
Sae far beyond our merits;
Noo, waiter lads, clear aff the plates,
An' fetch us in the spirits.

It is then, just before dessert, when it's time for a round of toasts. In general, there is no set order, but the evening customarily includes an address to the ladies (complimentary, teasing, and full of ribald Burns quotes) and a reply to the gentlemen (more wit than ribaldry, with further quotes from Burns). The last toast, of course, is dedicated to the work, art and memory of the immortal Robert Burns.

Those put off by the haggis will no doubt find a great relief in dessert. Try "cranachan," a mix of oatmeal, raspberries, cream cheese, honey and whiskey. Go with a whiskey that favors peat. One from the heart of the highlands, like Old Sheep Dip, should do nicely.

Next come the speeches, along with more whiskey and perhaps cigars. Here it might be good to pick a whisky with the seaweed character of the western islands or any other big enough to stand up to strong tobacco. A good choice would be Laphroig. The speeches should, of course, contain the lengthiest praise possible honoring the exalted Mr. Burns, but if inspiration does not strike, a favorite poem will work. Anything is appropriate, from the sentimental "Comin' Thro' the Rye" to the witty crowd pleaser, "The Fornicator."

Let the festivities last well into the night; after all, Burns' burthday comes only once a year. Continue the evening with whiskey, Burns' poems, toasts, another whiskey, cigars, more whiskey, additional speeches.well, let Burns himself sum it up:

There let him brouse, and deep carouse,
Wi' bumpers flowing o'ver.
Till he forgets his loves or debts,
An' minds his grief no more.

Then sing "Auld Lang Syne" as it is meant to be sung, not once a year on New Year's Eve, but to close any festive evening that celebrates friendship, wit, poetry, and the gift of the barley.

This story originally appear in All About Beer Magazine in January 1996.